Almost

We are so close to Nathan being home….supposed to be single digits. However, he hurt his back over there so he may or may not be delayed because of it. More not knowing.

So since many people make things/their life sound like it’s all rainbows and butterflies to the public I’m going to throw my day out there! I’m losing it! Totally and completely losing my mind! I cried four times between getting my hair cut, a fast trip to Target (by myself) and on the way home.

I’m overwhelmed, stressed, tired and my back, neck and shoulders hurt so bad that I feel nauseous. My toddler still is not sleeping well (and even when he does apparently he has already trained my body to wake up at 5), homecomings are normally stressful but this one is worse with the injury, (We are keeping the countdown going so hopefully he will be home as scheduled.)  I have the regular Gemma prefers to eat on one side more than the other and my children are feeding off my stress which makes my stress worse. Then I’m trying to finish up some projects before my husband is home (this actually helps get my mind off all the other things) and this usually requires help from family to watch my children (Thanks family! You really are saving me from being a completely crazy mommy).

So I just learned that my hair is falling out, BAD. It’s from all of these things I mentioned above and it also adds to my stress/anxiety. .;’.,,.,.A .as x,zadx,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.dsdaxmldks.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,xx.s,……………….saaazx,l;sa…………………..,,,,,s,szls;a.;wwwws….zdcvfc

x’v/

‘bvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv’/

 

 

bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb”?
b/”
b”?
Bv ‘/

CVN M,5hm m,,                                             

“
  6yr    That was some love from Niko! He’s all over everything and if I’m not right here then it’s my computer, but his typing is how I really feel right about now so I will leave it at that! And please excuse my vent, and thanks for not judging me with all this losing my mind stuff. I really love my life, kids, family etc I’m just super stressed and tired!

Run!

I participated in my first race on Sunday! We certainly were not racing, but I walked it with a friend and pushed our strollers. It was fun and for a great cause, which is really what it’s about. This was the Run for Ryan and it’s sponsored by Scheels and the proceeds all go to SIDS research. So any money the participants paid went to research, which is super cool.

Posters

Saturday my mom and sister came over to help make posters for the airport when Nathan comes home. (He is safely back to the US now, Woohoo!) They ended up doing most of the actual work (I have no artistic talent at all) while I was trying to decide what to put on other signs. The kids’ signs are done and they are so cute! I won’t post a picture until he gets home just in case he decides to read this. But here are a few of the kids painted feet/hands while making them.

Gemma started crying when they painted her hand (she was okay with her foot though) and Niko through out his hand and was saying, “stop” and “it hurt her” such a good big brother! But then he was scared to have his painted…then he said, “it tickles.”  It was fun, the posters turned out awesome and now at least part of that is crossed off my list!

Easter Weekend

These are obviously from before the weekend, but Niko helped Nana to put Easter decorations in the front yard. She doesn’t do much inside the house with my little tornado around

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good Friday was spent in the car all day (well since my dad got off work until late). This was a special trip for Aiden’s baptism, but I feel like it was also a ploy from my sister to get all the family there for Easter I think my kids did quite well for their ages, but by the time we were ready to stop Niko was breaking down. I think his legs were restless because he would just started crying and then kick his legs around (plus mine were restless and I think we just needed out!)

Anyway, I bought a double pump (which was totally worth it for this trip). And Gemma took her first bottle like a champ. I was worried she wouldn’t take one since I had waited so long to introduce it. But here is a picture of her first bottle ever.

And Niko chillin’ in his car seat watching a movie. I asked if we could take mom’s magic movie car to help entertain the two year, it was really nice until the screen went white on the way home!

On Saturday, Aiden was baptized and both my children were grumpy and noisy so I didn’t get to hear much. What I did hear was nice and I did get to see his actual baptism so that was nice as well Congrats Aiden, we are so proud of you and the choices you are making!

The kids dyed Easter eggs, and Niko was pulling his eggs in and out and in and out of two colors and then he smacked them together. Everyone laughed so of course he kept doing it (I think he got this be the funny one thing from Nathan!) His eggs were in pieces in the dye, I had to walk away and let my sister make sure he didn’t fall over off the bench. (I’ve been having some anxiety and I think it’s justified from all the stuff going on, which I guess is for a whole other story.) So after my random side note, pictures of egg dying.

One before the destruction, and one after. I love Dallin’s face in the second one!

And one of all the children, you know the ones who are old enough to understand what this is all about

 

 

 

And Gemma in her Easter dress sitting with Grandpa so much cute!

The day after Easter all the kids came to the hotel to go swimming. It was really crazy and fun. Niko had no fear (and I mean NO fear) and it was Gemma’s first time to swim. I wish a video was easier to put on because it would show Niko’s zero fear better than a picture. Amber was a great sport and she took Niko (even though she had three of her own munchkins) because I was feeding Gemma before I got wet.

Oh and Niko jumped in while Anika was getting in, then Grandpa decided he better go get his suit too! Niko loved jumping in and stared doing it without holding hands and then would kick back to the edge (I finally found a floating device he likes, the arm floaties!) to do it again.

Gemma was kind of eh about the whole thing. She didn’t hate it and she even smiled a little bit later.

And a cute one of Zander, the other kids were all over the place and it was hard to get any pictures of them.

 

 

 

This kid was confident, but scared me every once in a while when he got tired!

So that was our short (not the length of time to get there, but time spent there) trip to Jeni’s house.

Mama

My kid has taken to calling my “Mama” all day today. I don’t know where he came up with it and that’s the only name he has called me today. Toddlers are funny!

Homecoming

We have officially started our countdown to Daddy getting home! He should be here towards the end of April and we are very excited. He’ll be in the states before he come home so I’ll be able to relax again when I get word that he is at the demobilization site.

Niko and I made a chain for our countdown, we take a ring off as part of his bed time routine and he gets so excited that we’re special Daddy coming home (I say we’re one day closer to Daddy being home and I guess that is his translation). We made it red, white and blue of course

We’re getting so close!

This weekend we are headed to Lamar for Aiden’s baptism, yay Aiden. Plus time will go a little faster!

Niko is 2!

We celebrated Niko’s second birthday at Chuck E. Cheese and he had a blast! He was spoiled with trains, Scooby Doo toys, clothes and a singing microphone. He liked to ride the motorcycle and other moving toys (yep don’t know the name of them). But he also enjoyed getting help on some of the other games and he liked ripping off the tickets. He liked playing with his cousins and Debbie in the sky tubes.

We made the Scooby Doo cake again (since he actually knows and likes Scooby Doo now, almost too much). And I ordered a Scooby balloon bouquet and used the table cloth from last year. It was easy (except the cake) and fun. Since it’s so soon after Christmas, my sister and her kids were still here so they came. And his “just” grandma, grandpa, grandma Grill, nana, Kaitie, Adam, Trevor and Debbie. Of course Daddy couldn’t be there, but I’ll think we’ll go again and have our own little party for him

And as always right now, there are lots of pictures just not easily accessible ones!

Christmas 2013

This holiday was bittersweet, for obvious reasons. I love Christmas. I love that the family gets together to play and enjoy each other. I love seeing the joy on the kids’ faces Christmas morning. And it was the first time Niko understood the presents (and figured out the Santa part quickly). But two very important people were physically missing from our celebration this year. McKinley and Nathan. Nathan will be here for the next one, but we were supposed to have two little babies to love on this Christmas so it was sad too.

My older sister Jenise was here with her whole family so Christmas morning was as chaotic as it could and should be They showed Niko how to do Christmas right. Santa brought Niko and Gemma each on of these. Technically the green one is Niko’s and the yellow is Gemma’s but for now Niko just rides whichever one he feels like. He also received a huge amount of hand me down train tracks and trains (which we really need an awesome table for, my husband says he’ll build one, but we’ll see) and a tee-ball set (and he swings the bat holding the barrel, cute for now) a truck that is put together and taken apart and a tool set since he always wants the real ones (and he still does).

Nathan and I have some gift cards for dinner when he gets home and some money to buy a nice toy (probably a photography one since the IPad was my early present).

I wish I had my pictures! And I could go get them off my mom’s computer but that would just waste the temporary CDs. plus, I’m a little lazy!

So, Christmas in a nutshell.

McKinley Allene

I just have no idea what to write! I keep staring at this screen and wanting to say so much, but have no words to do it.
McKinley was born an angel on December 8, 2012 and was surrounded by family. She was beautiful and I’m so grateful that Kaitie and Adam allowed us all to be with them at the hospital. I’m so thankful I was able to hold her and see her beauty, her perfection and all the love there is for her.
When I found out that they had lost her, it was heart breaking and (I won’t lie) I was so angry with my Heavenly Father. I was upset that there was nothing I could do to ease my baby sister’s  pain. Seeing the pain in her and Adam’s eyes and all I can do is be there and offer hugs, it’s hard to feel so useless.
I’m thankful for Kaitie and Adam’s examples! I’m happy they were married in the temple and I’m grateful for the knowledge I have about the Plan of Salvation and eternal families. I’m so impressed with the eagerness that they still have to serve the Lord and to not be angry with Him (as I was).
McKinley and Gemma were going to be cousin twins with matching outfits and everything. I was so worried that having Gemma around was going to be hard for everyone, but I think she helps everyone. Kaitie and Adam come over sometimes just to get some kid/baby time in and this has completely eased my mind.
This is so scattered and I’m now in tears so please read this where Kaitie blogged about McKinley and also Adam’s thoughts here. They both have beautiful testimonies and I’m so thankful to have them in my life and my children’s lives.
Then they received the pictures from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep and Kaitie’s favorite is posted here.
And just for a side note: People commonly ask how mom is doing after this happens, don’t forget about dad! He lost his baby too.
We (as in my family, Kaitie, I don’t have multiple personalities) love you both so much and I’m so thankful that we get to play with you so often

Her funeral was beautiful and there was so much love and support from family and close friends.

 McKinley was laid to rest with her Papa Hawkins

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was pretty much the norm this year. Except that my grandma wasn’t here (rude) and Adam’s family (Kaitie’s husband) was here So we had a few more people than expected but it was really fun.
Oh and there was another baby in the mix! She was quite spoiled with so many awesome people willing to hold her all the time.
Family correct my if I’m wrong, I think our pie count was up to 14 this year. All completely made from scratch by us. And it didn’t feel too awful this time because I didn’t get stuck on crust duty, probably due to Gemma needing to eat.
I had Kaitie take pictures of the two kids together, but I’m incredibly coordinated and broke my external hard drive with ALL my pictures on it. I could pay to have them recovered, but Nathan will be home soon and that is free!
So my post is lame, it feels like there is a lot more to tell (the pictures help me remember things), but Thanksgiving feels like it was so long ago.

 I think it's safe to say he likes pie....and his sister :)

Gemma Jenay!

Warning: Labor story

Friday night I had random contractions all night (I say random but don’t really know because I kept failing at timing them) and I felt like I didn’t sleep at all. So Saturday morning I asked my gramma if she wanted to go to IHOP with me because I had been craving it for weeks and I wanted to get it before I went to the hospital! She thought I was joking since it was so random and it was snowing and really cold outside. So I asked mom and she said sure and that everyone was getting ready and they’d come over when they were done. When they got here my contractions were not regular still, but they were 10-11 minutes apart so I figured we still had time for some breakfast/lunch (but breakfast food!) We loaded up and went to the restaurant. I had some biscuits and gravy like always and it was exactly what I had been craving. Contractions 10 minutes apart all through breakfast.

Then Gymboree had a great sale going on so we had to stop there. I mean by the time it was done, we got half off of everything we bought! We bought a few things, Kaitie finally made her decisions on the outfits she wanted and we made our purchases. Contractions not so consistent but 4-7 minutes apart.Mom wanted to show Kaitie a sock monkey outfit at Crazy 8 then we decided we had time to find some gloves for Niko to go sledding with his Uncle Adam while we were at the hospital. So we went to JCPenney, ran into some friends and chatted, found some gloves and then it was time for me to get home. Contractions still about six minutes apart, but still not really consistent so we were going to load up and go to the hospital.

When we got home and I sat down my contractions went back to 10 minutes apart but they were over a minute long and super intense. So I called labor and delivery. The nurse said that she didn’t want to tell me not to come in and that I could come in and get checked out (but made it sound like I would just be sent home). Since I really didn’t want to do the waddle of shame I decided to wait a while longer.

Since it was dinner time, gramma wanted to order a pizza, they decided on DQ instead. When it got here, I was ready to go. I tried to take two bites of my blizzard and just lifting my head to bite it triggered contractions so I half yelled half whined for my mom….but nobody heard me. So I waited until they were done. Mom brought my shoes and went to the bathroom. Before she got back even my dad was saying we need to leave! Contractions were maybe two minutes apart and still a minute or so long and crazy intense. My gramma was uncomfortable…I think she was worried she would see this baby born in her living room!

We got in the car and headed to the hospital and here is where my tender mercies kick in! If you read my cousin’s blog then you’ve read most of them, but here they are. And randomly throughout so this – will indicate them.

-Dad was on his long change from work so he was able to drive us

-There was basically no traffic on the way, which means it only takes about 2 minutes to get there

-The door closest to the elevator was still open

-There was a wheelchair inside this door

-My mother loved me enough to push me in the wheelchair

On the way in I told my mom I was never having another baby (but don’t tell Nathan, he’ll use it against me!) There was a couple walking out and they heard me and I’m pretty sure they wanted to laugh, but they certainly didn’t do it in front of me!

When we got upstairs the nurses asked what they could do for us (or some such thing) and I told them I was ready for my drugs now. They asked if I had called earlier and I managed to tell them yes. They put me in my room and had me put on the beautiful robe and wanted me to pee in a cup…seriously? I was feeling lucky I made it to the hospital before she was born! I somehow managed to change (somehow was help from my mom) and pee in the cup (which I’m pretty sure just stayed where I put it, but maybe not). The nurse finally came back to check my progress, after she checked she said she thought 8 but wanted someone else to check. This nurse came in and said 9! Not what I wanted to hear when I have zero drugs in my system…I almost cried, except I didn’t have the energy. She told me if I felt like I needed to push before the drugs to let them know. Pretty sure I felt like pushing, but I wasn’t admitting it before I had any pain meds in me! Um, and I’m surprised my mom’s hand is okay. I was concentrating on squeezing her hand and breathing. Sorry mom, but thank you so so much!( I also frightened my sister who is due in December with her first, she wanted to be blissfully unaware of what labor was like. Sorry Kaitie, I wanted to be unaware too…I like drugs )

-Another lady was in labor so the on call doctor was at the hospital already

Meanwhile I’m being stabbed all over my arms while they try to get an IV in for my penicillin. They stuck me 8 times and dug around once in each arm. Finally the anesthesiologist was able to get one in and she did that then gave me a shot of the good stuff, we didn’t have time for a real epidural. Oh and they poked me so many times to try to get blood for lab work that the doctor just canceled it.

-I couldn’t feel any poking because I was so concentrated on contraction pain control and then I had a couple of sweet bruises

-The anesthesiologist must live close to the hospital because she was there quick and I got my drugs before I had to push

So when it was time to push the hair could already be seen and she was more than ready to get out. She had a bowel movement before she came so she was supposed to stop with just her head out to be cleaned and suctioned so that she didn’t breath any of it. And out came her hand, the doctor shook her hand and said hello and let her make the rest of her entrance We were there less than 1.5 hours when she was born.

This was my first chance to hold her.

We tried to facetime Nathan after I got my drugs, but he was not available. I had facebook messaged him that morning to tell him about the irregular contractions, but thank goodness my dad has his technology figured out. He messaged him to tell him we were in the hospital. Also, another soldier’s wife was having their baby so Nathan decided to check for news. He ended up calling an hour after she was born.

- I’m so thankful for the wonderful technology we have to communicate now! (even if I complain about it not working well, I’m still thankful).

I loved this labor and delivery, even if it was super scary to not have drugs. I felt great after and I even walked to change rooms and showered the next morning. Even mom said I looked good right after and the whole time we were there. We had to stay for almost 48 hours because I didn’t get enough of the antibiotic before she was born so they had to keep and eye on her.

-Gemma has shown no signs of being affected by the GBS even though she was born after I only had one dose of antibiotics

The next day my awesome mother-in-law, Carmella brought my mom and I breakfast burritos from the club and she cuddled on Gemma while we chatted. Then my family came up with Niko and he was able to meet his sister. He loves her so much and I didn’t think I could love him more, but seeing his love for her makes me love him even more. Does that make sense?

We came home Monday evening and Niko was SO excited for his sister to be home, he ran towards us saying Gemma over and over. Here she is in her going home outfit. (Her shirt says “I’m the pink in my Daddy’s world of camo”)

-I have an awesome family that was more than willing to help with my tornado while we were at the hospital (and help me at home all the time!) Thank you everyone so much, I don’t know that I could do it without you!

Lots and lots of baby holding going on around here! And in a few weeks we’ll have another baby to hold!!!

 

PS My brain is scattered so if something doesn’t make sense or anything please ask me to clarify

PPS I have so many pictures…this would be incredibly long if I shared all of the ones I like.